WELCOME TO CANADA WHERE WE LITERALLY PUT UP WARNING SIGNS FOR NESTING CANADIAN GEESE
BECAUSE LET ME TELL U ABOUT THESE FRICKERS
FIRST OF ALL THEY HAVE FUCKIN TEETH
ON THEIR TONGUES
DO YOU WANNA GO NEAR ONE? “AWW IT’S JUST A LITTLE GOOSE YOU SAY”
THESE FRICKERS WILL CHARGE YOUR ASS IF THERE IS A NEST OR NEWLY HATCHED GOSLINGS AROUND
THIS IS THE STRUT OF A GOOSE WARNING YOU THAT IT’S ABOUT TO KILL YOUR ASS
ONCE THEY DO THIS?
YOU RUN FAST AND YOU RUN FAR BECAUSE ONE OF THE PARENTS WILL FLY UP TO YOUR PUNY HUMAN FLESHBAG AND KARATE CHOP YOUR GODDAMNED NECK AND TRY TO BITE ANYTHING WITHIN REACH OK?
WHILE THE OTHER PARENT, CONSUMED WITH BLOODLUST AND THE BURNING VENGEANCE OF A SPECIES HAVING NEARLY BEEN EXTINCT AND BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE GOES AND LITERALLY TRIES TO BITE YOUR ACHILLES TENDON IN HALF. WITHOUT FAIL THESE HELLSPAWN WILL ALWAYS GO FOR THERE. DON’T KNOW WHERE THAT IS?
CONGRATULATIONS YOU NO LONGER CAN WALK OR RUN AND REQUIRE EXTENSIVE SURGERY BECAUSE OF A FUCKING GOOSE. I ASSUME THEY EAT YOU ALIVE FROM HERE OUT. THEY’RE THAT FUCKIN CRAZY.
CANADIAN GEESE ARE TERRIFYING AND THE SOURCE OF ALL CANADIAN STRIFE IN THE HISTORY OF FOREVER. I’M CANADIAN. TRUST ME. I KNOW.
THIS IS THE BRAVEST PERSON IN THE COUNTRY.
did you know that teachers are instructed to get in between two boys in an altercation and break their eye contact because boys will disengage once the immediate situation is interrupted but they’re instructed to like never ever get in between two girls in a fight because girls wont stop after they lose sight and will actively try to go through whatever’s in between them and teachers are supposed to wait for security to break the shit apart
teenage girls will fuck your shit up
i feel bad for nice sharks because no matter how nice they are everyone screams and swims away scared shitless like maybe that shark just wanted to braid hairs and talk about celebs
On a scale of 1 to the War of the Worlds broadcast how misunderstood is your joke.
Jennifer Lawrence, when asked about the paparazzi in Hawaii. (from EW)
actual Katniss and actual Peeta
- New York City: tourists, gay, tourists, peanuts, FUCKING TOURISTS
- Idaho: Potatoes
- Michigan: that lake place
- Florida: DISNEY WORLD and those other parks and gays and then BAM rednecks and cannibals
- San Diego: gay, Princess Diaries, That's So Raven
- Wisconsin: cheese
- Montana and the Dakotas: population of cows exceeds that of humans
- New Jersey: garden state my ass
- Vermont: Canada on drugs
- Dallas: stereotypical south
- New Orleans: alcohol, fried donuts, jazz music (the place to be)
- Philadelphia: Cream Cheese, beat anyone who calls it "the city," fair chance of being mugged
- Oklahoma: why
- Las Vegas: WHITE PEOPLE MAKING SHITTY DECISIONS
- Los Angeles: traffic not worth the possibility of spying a celeb
- Kentucky: not enjoyable at all, two stars would not recommend
- Maine: how are you even a part of the US?
- Georgia: honey booboo, peaches, bipolar weather
- Louisiana: New Orleans floating on a swamp
- Washington: Apples and rain
- Tennessee: Republicans and banjos
- Nashville: Bring rolls of quarters for all the failed country music wannabes playing on street corners
- Buffalo: Snow and chicken wings.